Does your dog cry when left alone? Understanding separation anxiety and teaching it to be alone, step by step
You come home: the inside of the door is scratched, a cushion has been torn apart, and the neighbor says, "It howled all day." The first thought is usually, "It's angry with me, it's getting revenge." According to the RSPCA, the truth is very different: dogs don't do this out of revenge, but because of the distress they feel at being left alone. Understanding that distress is half the solution.
- According to the RSPCA, research shows that 8 out of 10 dogs find it hard to be left alone, but half of them don't show it.
- Dogs cause damage out of distress, not revenge. Punishing your dog when you get back makes the problem worse.
- Teach your dog to be alone very slowly, at a pace set by its reactions; come back before it starts to get distressed.
- Exercise, a small meal and a long-lasting toy before you leave all help.
- The RSPCA recommends not leaving a dog alone for more than four hours, and much less for puppies.
Signs: the visible ones and the hidden ones
Dogs that get distressed when left alone may show:
- Barking, howling, whining
- Scratching at doors and windowsills, or chewing things
- Toileting in the house
- Following you around while you get ready to leave, restlessness, panting
But the RSPCA gives an important warning: half of distressed dogs may not show it. A dog that lies quietly and waits may also be struggling. The RSPCA suggests filming your dog from time to time when it's alone; with your phone or a simple home camera, you can see how your dog really is while you're away.
Signs such as toileting in the house, heavy panting or restlessness can also have a health problem behind them. If these signs have only just started, talk to your vet first.
The one thing not to do: punishment
The RSPCA is very clear: when owners punish their dogs on returning home, separation-related behavior problems get even worse. Dogs Trust says the same: frustrating as it is, never punish your dog. Both organizations recommend only reward-based training methods.
Teaching your dog to be alone, step by step
The method the RSPCA recommends is to build up time alone in very small steps, at a pace your dog is comfortable with:
- Teach it to settle in its bed. While you're in the room, your dog should be able to lie calmly in its bed; reward this.
- Move away and come back. While your dog is in its bed, take a few steps away, then come back. Reward it for staying calm.
- Increase the distance and the time. Go as far as the door of the room, then leave the room, a little longer each time.
- Practice closing the door. Try going out through the front door and closing it, first for a few seconds, then for longer periods.
- Don't be afraid to go back a step. If your dog gets anxious, return to the previous stage and stay out for a shorter time next time.
According to the RSPCA, the most important rule is: never leave your dog long enough for it to start getting distressed. Once you see that your dog is comfortable being left alone for up to an hour, longer periods usually aren't a problem either.
According to Dogs Trust, some dogs adapt to this training quickly, while for others it can take weeks or months. Every dog is different; let your dog set the pace, not you.
Before you leave: a calming routine
- Exercise: A walk or a play session before you go. A tired dog rests more easily.
- A small meal: According to the RSPCA, dogs relax much more easily after they've been fed.
- Something to keep it busy: A toy that keeps it occupied for a long time, or a puzzle you can put food in. Sniffing games help too: sniffing games.
- Calm goodbyes and hellos: Dogs Trust recommends keeping your departures and returns as low-key as possible: a calm "see you later" or "hello", but no big fuss.
How long can a dog be left alone?
The RSPCA recommends not leaving a dog alone for more than four hours; for puppies, this time is much shorter. On long workdays, a family member, a neighbor or a sitter you trust who can drop in on your dog in the middle of the day makes a big difference.
If you're leaving your dog with someone, keep its food, walk times, medications and your vet's number in one place. Tüylüm's Pet sitter note puts all of this together in a single message; all you have to do is send it via WhatsApp. With Home, other family members can also see whether your dog has been fed or walked.
When should you get help?
If these steps don't work, or your dog gets so distressed when left alone that it could hurt itself, the RSPCA recommends getting help from a clinical animal behaviorist. Your vet can check for health problems and also refer you to a suitable specialist.
Frequently asked questions
My dog wrecks the house when I go out. Is it getting revenge?
No. According to the RSPCA, dogs that are left alone usually behave this way not out of revenge, but because of the distress they feel at being separated. Punishing makes the problem worse; you need to teach your dog to be alone step by step.
Will getting a second dog solve the problem?
Dogs Trust recommends being careful here: if the dogs don't get along, things can get much worse. Focus on solving your current dog's anxiety first; only consider a second dog after that.
Does crate training help?
According to Dogs Trust, crate training on its own doesn't resolve a dog's anxiety about being alone, and a dog that panics in a crate can even hurt itself. Work out what's right for your dog together with a behaviorist.
Keep track of your pet's care in TüylümLog vet visits, vaccine and medication dates, and we'll remind you when it's time. Share it all with your family in Home.
Sources
- RSPCA · Separation anxiety in dogs
- RSPCA · How to train your dog to stay home alone
- Dogs Trust · Separation anxiety in dogs: signs, causes and how to help
- Dogs Trust · How to help your dog get used to spending time alone
By Tüylüm · Published and last checked: October 24, 2026. Spotted a mistake? Write to [email protected] and we'll fix it right away. Photos are from Wikimedia Commons, used under the license shown below each photo.
